And so, I was all alone.1
Weary and sad, wanting to fade away.
And I won’t lie to myself: my soul in a frenzy, bewitched by the devil;
Make me capable of something I pray.
Only to be unheard, seeking the unattainable, I stay.
Love? But whom?
To put on a façade, but it would rather kill me.
But to love unconditionally — I plea.
Have hope? But why?
Only to drown myself in time’s evil cadence.
Only to poison my heart — if I have one.
Better relive, might there be a chance;
Better exhaust my misery and pain;
Better not exist.
Because I realize I’m empty.
Because I realize I long for something — someone special to me.
For I see it smiling at me, perhaps a hallucination.
In its dark composure, eternally dismayed, almost pitying me.
It seeks out sweetly, unlike anyone ever;
It leads me through the winter.
And why haven’t I realized yet.
For it is just like me, brimming with a grim bliss deep within;
Its heart banished — waiting…
Because now I realize I’m not alone.
Because there seems to be hope — and if I have hope I might be capable of loving.
Like words, poorly written, found meaning;
Like a void so deep, yet so stark, found its end;
Like a broken soul found its heart;
And thus, in the silhouette, I found me.
I wrote this poem as a desire — and challenge — to write something out of the ordinary, hence the back-and-fourth structure. The poem touches concepts of duality through its structure, and existentialism and nihilism through the speaker’s reflection on their life.
Note to the reader: this poem reads both ways! As you read it normally, it portrays a more optimistic outlook at life (existentialism), ending on a positive note; but if you read it bottom-up, it portrays a negative outlook (nihilism), ending on a sad note. ↩